Lord I stand before you a man called and yet hiding. Hiding from your light because your light exposes the deep motives of my heart.
I, like many men love darkness. Lord that isn't the christian thing to say but I love darkness.
I love sin and want a life of sin. Should I be wanting this? Definitely not!
I am afraid to open the depth of my heart to you because I fear you are not good or your goodness would not align with the deepest yearnings of my heart.
I have been taught in am schooled in the the things of God but yet my heart is far from converted. I know I should live a life of consecration in order to experience the fullness of your power but the desires to lay it all at the alter eludes me.
We speak of the power of choice. This too is a gift from you. Can I really choose? Do I have the power to do so? How can I access true grace? The grace that empowers at the deepest level. The grace that goes beyond what men are capable of seeing. How do I access the grace that works within the heart of men?
Yes, within the heart of the most sinful of men. I have no basis for pride or boasting. You and I know who I really am. You know the grave that lies deep within my heart. I am a white washed tomb full of dead men's bones. The sin of my heart is so huge that if it gained expression, I would be announced among the vilest of men.
You are the God who dwells in secret. You are the God who operates in the secret places. you place a premium not on that which is done in the open for good or for ill. You are more concerned with all that is done in secret.
Lord you are interested in my secret prayer. You take notice of my secret deeds, the words I mutter in my heart. The thoughts I nurse in my heart. You cannot tolerate the hypocrite who acts out what he is not. You want me to worship you in spirit and in truth. Not my carnal expressions of falsehood.
You desire truth in my inner-man. You desire to produce in me all that is real and genuine. Only this resonates with you. Only this appeals to you.
Make me real lord. Authenticate my walk in secret. Make me in your secret place and make me like you.
